Man's Search For Meaning

I just finished reading Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Hands down one of the top five life changing books I've ever read. If ever there was a time in my life that I needed affirmation of what my life is, this was the time. I feel utterly humbled and inspired to become something better that I ever imagined I could be. It is my responsibility as a human being.

In honor of this lovely book, I thought I'd share some of my favorite, most poignant (to me) exerpts.

"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you."

"...it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answers to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

"But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. Only a few realized that."

"He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how"."

"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it."

"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked."

"...being human always points, and is directed to something, or someone, other than oneself - be it a meaning to fulfill or a human being to encounter. The more one forgets oneself - by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love - the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself."

"In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice."

"Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now."

"To be sure, people tend to see only the stubble fields of transitoriness but overlook and forget the full granaries of the past into which they have brought the harvest of their lives: the deeds done, the loves loved, and last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage and dignity."

"...the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best."

"...man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those chambers upright, with the Lord's Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips."

Hand-me-downs

Okay, so I'm cleaning the house right now. We should have some guests this weekend for the OU/Texas game, but I'm not sure how many. So, I thought it might be a good idea to wash the dog hair covered slip cover on the couch in the front room in case someone wants to sleep on it. I guess it's been a while since I've taken it off, because I felt shocked to see the couch underneath. The one that has been in my life for 10 years, in John's life for freaking ever. It's harsh. Every time I look into the front room I feel surprised/jolted. Someday, someday, we will get rid of this stupid couch.

Enjoy.

My Girl

So, I'm sure you're aware of Ginger's ongoing medical issues. Well, she seems to be pretty stable except for her weight. According to my home scale, she is now down 13 pounds. Not good. At last check at the vet a couple of weeks ago, their scale said she was down only 10 pounds. Which is still not good. I can now see sooooooo many bones!

It's exceptionally heartbreaking to me. You see, this is MY dog. You know what I mean? I've had dogs before that were family dogs, and Ike is a family dog. But Ginger is mine. We have such a lovely bond that it just makes me so so sad to think of her not being here with me anymore. I think every person should have the experience of having his or her own dog. And she is mine. She is the one. The only one dog I'll ever have that was meant just for me. And my life is so much better for it. I wish I could clone everything about her and keep having Gingers for ever. But I can't.

I fear our time together is getting shorter and shorter. I often think about what kind of quality of life she has. Is she happy? Is she in pain? What would she tell me if she could? Am I hanging on too long? Am I hanging on just for me? These thoughts go through my head every single day. I love her so much and respect her life that I don't want to be selfish about her life. I had always hoped that she would die in her sleep peacefully and painlessly after a long life. This could still happen, but I am so afraid that I'm going to have to make the choice. THE choice. Probably the hardest choice I'll ever have to make. I'm crying just thinking about this, but I have to get it out.

I can't imagine what my life will be like without her. She's been with me through high school and breakups. Through college and a long distance relationship. Through a marriage and several moves. Losing my best friend and finding her again. Everything. She greets me every morning and urges me to bed each night. She lays at my feet just to be close to me even though her much more comfy bed is just a few feet away.

I am meeting with the vet again on Friday, just to get her checked again. I'm still clinging to hope. I'm going to have to ask the question...how long? I don't know how to prepare for his answer. I don't know how to prepare for Ginger not being here. I foresee complete devastation and my heart being completely broken. I am so, so sad.

Frustration-Fest 2008

I am so ridiculously frustrated with school right now. I took a group leadership class last fall as a requirement, and a requirement of the class was to actually lead a counseling group - support group, process group, grieving group, whatever. Well, for a number of reasons, I didn't accomplish this during the class. So when a student doesn't lead a group during the group leadership class, he or she has to lead the group when they do their practicum. Which is where I am now.

No big deal, right? WRONG!!!! The original requirement for the class was to lead a group either by yourself, with another student in the class, or with a mental health professional. And there had to be a minimum of 6 sessions led. At the end you turn in a paper about your experience and really don't have to have weekly supervision at all. Now, this doesn't seem like that big of a deal on paper, but when you know no one in the counseling biz and all of your peers have found a group, you have to resort to cold-calling people. I did this last year and got shot down from place to place I called. "We reserve that privilege for our interns" is what I was usually told. So I thought to myself "okay, I'll just do this during practicum." And that is now. This still doesn't seem like a big deal.

Well, here comes the part that pisses me off. Since I waited to do this, it now seems that I am required to lead 10 (TEN!!!!) sessions with a LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) or a certified school counselor. And get weekly supervision. What's up with the difference? It seems really, really unfair and unethical to me that the majority of my peers were able to do this with relative ease and VERY LITTLE supervision. I feel like I'm being punished for waiting until now to lead a group.

There also seems to be confusion among the faculty and the clinic staff as to what kind of group is acceptable to lead. Some of my peers and I were going to try to lead a group for the new international students on campus to help them with their transition into a new culture. But there would be no LPC with us and we would have to find outside supervision. So, what is happening is that my practicum teacher is telling me to ask my group professor what she will "sign off" on as far as a group, but the group professor is telling us we need to ask our practicum teacher what they want us to do. I feel like no one is willing or able to say "Do this. Get credit." So it is really frustrating and confusing for me. And all this is why I have put it off this long.

Now, I will admit my responsibility in all this. I have had a whole year to get a group lined up to co-lead, and I didn't. I put it off until now. Which was incredibly stupid of me to do, but that's how it is and all I can do is learn from the experience.

It still just frustrates the hell out of me. Ugh.