My Girl

So, I'm sure you're aware of Ginger's ongoing medical issues. Well, she seems to be pretty stable except for her weight. According to my home scale, she is now down 13 pounds. Not good. At last check at the vet a couple of weeks ago, their scale said she was down only 10 pounds. Which is still not good. I can now see sooooooo many bones!

It's exceptionally heartbreaking to me. You see, this is MY dog. You know what I mean? I've had dogs before that were family dogs, and Ike is a family dog. But Ginger is mine. We have such a lovely bond that it just makes me so so sad to think of her not being here with me anymore. I think every person should have the experience of having his or her own dog. And she is mine. She is the one. The only one dog I'll ever have that was meant just for me. And my life is so much better for it. I wish I could clone everything about her and keep having Gingers for ever. But I can't.

I fear our time together is getting shorter and shorter. I often think about what kind of quality of life she has. Is she happy? Is she in pain? What would she tell me if she could? Am I hanging on too long? Am I hanging on just for me? These thoughts go through my head every single day. I love her so much and respect her life that I don't want to be selfish about her life. I had always hoped that she would die in her sleep peacefully and painlessly after a long life. This could still happen, but I am so afraid that I'm going to have to make the choice. THE choice. Probably the hardest choice I'll ever have to make. I'm crying just thinking about this, but I have to get it out.

I can't imagine what my life will be like without her. She's been with me through high school and breakups. Through college and a long distance relationship. Through a marriage and several moves. Losing my best friend and finding her again. Everything. She greets me every morning and urges me to bed each night. She lays at my feet just to be close to me even though her much more comfy bed is just a few feet away.

I am meeting with the vet again on Friday, just to get her checked again. I'm still clinging to hope. I'm going to have to ask the question...how long? I don't know how to prepare for his answer. I don't know how to prepare for Ginger not being here. I foresee complete devastation and my heart being completely broken. I am so, so sad.