My Eternal (?) Well

Counseling is tricky. Really tricky. I never know what my clients are going to be like when they walk in the door. I also never know what issues of my own are going to show up in the room with me. Today was an exceptionally hard day. Nonstop clients and meetings from the moment I walked in the door to the moment I left. I got some feedback about my group that I wasn't particularly pleased with. I felt like I had nothing left to give to my last two clients. I felt like I didn't give them the level of service they deserved. I felt like the sessions were completely bogged down, heavy, and slow. I can never be sure how much of 'me' contributes to that.

I really do have an eternal well upon which to draw from my clients, but today I realized that I need a little extra time between clients and meetings and just stuff in order for the well to recharge a bit. I'm trying to learn balance in my day-to-day. I used to be able to check my own baggage at the door, but this week it has been harder, especially today.

It's also hard to balance my clients' needs with my own. I do have a quota of hours I have to achieve in order to graduate. I'm not sure how I feel about it either. On one hand I know that having mandates is a necessity. However, when I realized the lengths I would push myself to go to in order to meet this quota, I wondered how it might affect my level of client care. I question myself and my abilities quite often. I don't think I would be a good counselor if I didn't do that. But how ethical is it for me to push towards my own end? What is the cost in that? Again, it's learning a balance.

I'm weary. I'm bone tired. I hope I have what it takes to make it in this field. I hope my inner strength can serve me well. I want enough left in my well to serve myself at the end of the day. I'm trying to practice what I preach and it's hard. But I'm trying. And I'm loving every single minute of it!